When I first published this introduction to my blog, I was only just beginning to understand what the True Self was. I could feel the filtered sense of a loving person, but I did not understand why I could not “keep” it. Why wasn’t I always my best “person.” Now, years later, I realize the reason we can’t always be our best person, is because there is no person.
While the story is still pertinent, I now actually see the truth underneath the words with much less of the filters of the person.
I guess you could say that now I finally understand.
I remember distinctly when this seed sprouted in me. I was eight years old, on my very first plane ride with my Mother to visit relatives. I remember the wonder and excitement as I sat in the coveted window seat, looking out at the clouds below me and the sun seemingly tagging along side us when, with childlike curiosity, a question occurred to me. I turned to my mother and asked “Mom, will we see God up here?” A can of worms opens inside my mind.
She responded simply enough, with a small smile on her face “God is everywhere.” Well, that wasn’t good enough for me so, I asked another question: “Where did God come from?” Another amused smile from mom, “He just was.”
“If God just was,” I begin, trying to find some measure of understanding, “how come we weren’t just was.” Mother had no answer but silence. The worms spilled out of the can.
I didn’t know it then but, that innocuous question as a little boy started me on a path of looking beyond the surface of things to come to a deeper understanding. Not just knowing that two plus two equals four but, more importantly, understanding why two plus two equal four. Because without the understanding of “why” we can’t move on to the deeper and richer levels of true understanding, of understanding this thing we call life. And that is really the understanding I was searching for as a precocious eight year old and what I continue to seek. The questions have changed and evolved over the years but, the search is still the same.
Here, I share with you the essence of what I have learned since I was eight. I use the word essence on purpose because, one of the most useful and heart opening things I have learned is that no matter the language or tool we use to understand—whether it is psychology, Christianity, Buddhism, Science—the purpose is the same, a detail if you will. The purpose is to understand our Truth and find a certain measure of peace and fulfillment that we cannot find anywhere but inside, where our True Self resides.